Thanks again everyone for all of the messages of hope and confidence! I've had my low moments over the past week, and God knows I will have many more in the time to come, but I accept that for what it is... My animal brain with no sense of time nor any memory of the oh so bad times is duking it out with my human brain that knows better. My wife who is Korean (I am an American but lived in S. Korea for 7 years), so many times has said to me after a bender, in the most hurt voice you can imagine: "Yobo ["dear"], please, _just_ don't drink!!" (of course, she is not an alcoholic and has no idea if the struggle it is for me not to drink, for now at least), and it would just break my heart for the short term ir I did drink, that is until I drank again and numbed and self medicated myself. I am tired of hurting the person who loves me more than anything else in the world. I never missed a day of work or missed any bills, but no relationship can compete in the long term against the deep pleasure of drunkeness. The toughest time was Saturday when she worked part time during the day and I was off. Normally, I would have planned on being 3 sheets to the wind by the time she got home, but my tolerance being so high, I could hide it fairly well. This past Saturday, I was completely sober and I know she could tell a difference... I know it took me literally _years_ to get to this point and I know there is know magic bullit, so I am preparing for the long haul. As to previous post about exercise, I concur 100%. 6-8 months ago, I was doing an hour a day at high resistance on an exercise bike, 5 days a week and lifting light weights 2 times a week. I am easing back into it and riding an exercise bike 3-5 days a week, initially now for 30 minutes at abit lighter resistance. Over the next 30-45 days, I plan to ease that up to an hour a day again. I too find that when exercising regularly, it makes sticking to a diet (which includes NO empty alcohol calories) much, much easier. Also upped my vitamin intake including additional B complex vitamins.
All from me for here until maybe next weekend, but I _will_ be on these forums everyday for 1/2 an hour to and hour, reading every post I can get my hands on and trying to learn from others, what has worked and what has not worked and emulating behaviour patterms which I deem have worked the most for the most people.
Again, thank you everyone here for your unquestioning, non-judgemental, support, it has been, is, and will be, all greatly apprecatied and helpful!!
Peace,
..Mike