Sax - I am glad you came to SR. It isn't easy to post here and its not because of the people here either. I think alcoholism has a great deal of power over you right now.
- You say you can't imagine life without it.
- Things aren't so bad except that you are drinking more then before but without the consequences.
- You have cravings for even more. We all crave more Sax. We all do.
All these statements and more are your addict voice talking. You know you want to quit because otherwise you wouldn't have logged on at this moment.
What method of stopping have you tried yet? How long have you been able to go? Have you tried any meetings where you would be able to get some phone numbers of people to call in order to help you through the tough craving moments. I have seen people recover without AA and face to face meetings, but some do incredible with that kind of support also. I wouldn't rule anything out.
It is your life and we want you to live and not die because of this. You so can do this.
I started drinking in early high school if not middle school. I can't recall the exact date and I am sure that's a condition of my wrecked brain through this. My memory is absolute rubbish. My point is I drank most of my life and I am 43 years old. If I could give it up then so can you. There are many, many on SR that have been even further down that road, but have made it Sax. Don't ever give up!! We are here for you.
I am glad you posted and by the way, I am one of those people that felt very, very uncomfortable in social situations and that's what led me on this drinking journey. I started in school because I was so shy and would not enjoy myself at parties because of my shyness. Put a few drinks in me and I became a ridiculous clown, but I didn't see it that way. So sad but true. Even back in the beginning the alcohol did me no favors.