I feel like I get more angry with him because I am alone in this and he is the only one I have to talk to, but I cant talk to him because hes the addict and the person whos making me feel this way. We have everything joint, accounts, bills phones rent car insurance, everything. I dont want to walk away from him because there is still a bit of belief and hope that I have, I know him like no one else does, and like I said people really look at us because we just get along so well even when he is high, I love him so much I forget hes on something, I am really confused I dont know what to do, Id really love some feedback. Thanks for reading my story.
You are no longer alone, we are all here for you and there are wonderful live meetings out there that you may want to find to surround yourself with support. Nar-Anon, Al-Anon and CoDA are three similar programs that are about US, about regaining our balance and finding a better way to live. These meetings literally saved my life.
When we spend all our time (and energy) living in their addiction, when we spend time with their addicted families or friends, we begin to "normalize" a life that is far from normal, and that very well may be fatal.
You don't sound done yet, and that's okay. We all move on when we are ready and we are here to support you no matter whether you stay or go.
But you may want to take pause and ask yourself if this is how you want to live your life. When we live the life of addiction, there is
no other life out there. All our money and energy and time and focus is either on the addict or the drug, depending which side we are one. It is a life of lies, deception, crime, fear and chaos, and it doesn't change until WE change, and stop living in the problem (addiction) and begin living in the solution...our own recovery.
You do have choices. They may not be easy and it will be hard to change, but just know that many people here have been where you are and are happy survivors today.
Hugs