I also had an AH. I went through many of the same things your going through right now. His drugs of choice were perscription pills but that doesn't make it any better than street drugs. He was also shoting them. The man put me through hell. I never could let him go completely. I always held onto that hope that one day he would wake up and clean his life up. Then we could be the family we were meant to be. That hope is the only thing I can think of that keeps us hanging on. With out hope what do you have? I'm sure that everyone will say it's being codependent that keeps you hanging on and I'm sure it is but I still don't know what it takes for you to loose that hope and totally let go. I wish I would have. I finely let go of that hope 3 months ago. My husband finely lost his battle with his addiction. He relapsed and overdosed. I pray that your husband wakes up before that happens. The one thing that I can say is that now I know that there is no hope and I can start to move on some how. I'm no longer waiting for that knock at the door or that phone call saying that he was found dead because I already got that call. So now I am free and so is he.