when i first came around, i was a total mess. i was too afraid to walk away and too afraid to stay. i worried mostly about providing and raising the kids alone, until someone here told me that i was doing all of that anyway. due to my ah's disappearing acts mostly beginning on payday, i had to figure out how to keep food on the table, a table to put the food on and everything else. i realized i was alone even though he was right there in the room in front of me.
i eventually came to believe that me hanging on to him and sticking around so long, maybe have been part of what was keeping him from reaching his bottom. i came to believe that i was hurting him as well as myself. he had no reason to fight his addiction as long as i was there to hold things together for him as well as all of us. we were being drug down with him.
now that he's gone, i kind of wish i had stepped out of his way a whole lot sooner than i did. i blamed others for enabling him but i realize that i did it too,
thanks for this post, it helped me to remember why i made the decisions that i did finally make.