Message to those who feel they cant leave
Member
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: NY
Posts: 76
This really hit home for me. I sat around making excuses for everything. I lived in denial and just did nothing but expected everything. Unfortunately it took an extremely drastic wake-up call for me to see things as they were. I ignored my gut feelings and just kept trudging forward hoping that one day he was going to 'get it' but it was me who needed to 'get it' and walk away. I haven't seen my exabf since the 9th of this month and things are getting easier. His first letter to me from the big house was such bs that I just ripped it up and threw it away without giving it another thought. I am dealing with the lonely a lot better than I thought but I read an article a ways back that said that most people who are approaching a break-up think its going to be so much more worse than it actually is. I feel really good about 'changing gas pumps' though that doesn't mean I don't have my bad days too. It feels really good to actually put myself first and start learning to take care of me. This post just hit home because it made me reflect on the past few years and how I basically convinced myself that I had no options (though deep down I did), I just didn't want to let go of the idea of him and us and I was scared to death about being alone. I now embrace it and though it took me so much to make the 'right' choice for me, I wouldn't take any of it back because it taught me alot. If I had left sooner, I may not have learned about my codependency issues and just ran to another bad relationship. Sorry to ramble on, I had just been thinking a lot today about all that I put up with and was kind of just questioning myself as to how I could have just put up with as much as I did and read this and it kind of helped me answer some of my own questions. 
grateful rca
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: atlanta, ga.
Posts: 4,671
when i first came around, i was a total mess. i was too afraid to walk away and too afraid to stay. i worried mostly about providing and raising the kids alone, until someone here told me that i was doing all of that anyway. due to my ah's disappearing acts mostly beginning on payday, i had to figure out how to keep food on the table, a table to put the food on and everything else. i realized i was alone even though he was right there in the room in front of me.
i eventually came to believe that me hanging on to him and sticking around so long, maybe have been part of what was keeping him from reaching his bottom. i came to believe that i was hurting him as well as myself. he had no reason to fight his addiction as long as i was there to hold things together for him as well as all of us. we were being drug down with him.
now that he's gone, i kind of wish i had stepped out of his way a whole lot sooner than i did. i blamed others for enabling him but i realize that i did it too,
thanks for this post, it helped me to remember why i made the decisions that i did finally make.
i eventually came to believe that me hanging on to him and sticking around so long, maybe have been part of what was keeping him from reaching his bottom. i came to believe that i was hurting him as well as myself. he had no reason to fight his addiction as long as i was there to hold things together for him as well as all of us. we were being drug down with him.
now that he's gone, i kind of wish i had stepped out of his way a whole lot sooner than i did. i blamed others for enabling him but i realize that i did it too,
thanks for this post, it helped me to remember why i made the decisions that i did finally make.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
