I'm sooooo afraid of being wrong but I'm not finding any peace right now. My head does nothing but spin since he started asking for another chance. I need the spinning to stop. All of its based in "IFs" If he dumps her for good. If he grows and starts to get to the root of his problem. If stays sober.
All classic signs and symptoms of codependency! His drinking or not drinking is still pushing your buttons - your reactions/obsessions are still revolving around things you have no control over, and you are trying to make hard decisions with the soft manufactured evidence he is giving you.
Keep your eyes open and respect what you see. He is not working a program of recovery. He is still sleeping with someone else. He is trying to coerce and confuse and guilt you into reconciling. Yuk. Yuk. And double yuk!!!
What can you do today to get the focus back on you and your needs and your dreams 100%? If it were me, I'd tell him to step WAY off and get myself to an AlAnon meeting or a therapy session. When I focus on me, serenity returns, more is revealed, and the next right thing to do becomes very clear.
peace-
b