((Teke)) - I wasn't with my ex for nearly as long as you were with R, but I still catch myself having the thought that I can't believe he is gone....that my hopes that he would "get it" are gone, thinking that even if we weren't going to be a couple, that we could be friends, is gone, and he died in Dec.
I know when my mom died, even though I did most of the funeral arrangements, sent out thank-you letters to the cards, etc. it didn't actually sink in, until she'd been gone 6 months.
I think that God protects us, in a way, because the pain would be too much to absorb all at once. That's why we kind of flounder around...not knowing how to feel. We get through the days, putting that one step in front of the others and we reach out to others. In time, that gut-wrenching pain doesn't happen as often as it did. We still have that ache, but occurences become further and further apart. We start to remember the good, and there is always some good...your children are living proof of that.
I'm so sorry for all that you are going through, and I'm right here if you need me. We always know this is a possibility for our A's, but it's still a shock.
I've got a couple things to do in the morning, but will call you tomorrow, okay?
Love, hugs and prayers!
Amy