just thinking
i guess i'm having a hard time right now. i just don't know what to feel, i don't want to feel at all. sitting here thinking and i can't seem to change my thoughts like i've always been able to do before now.
i've said that i thought i was done, but i guess i meant i was done with my husbands active addiction and behavior. i wouldn't write return letters because i promised him i wouldn't. i just didn't think his choice to steal and continue to do drugs were good ones and i decided that if he had to continue to use and go to jail, i wasn't gonna support him in that. i had no idea he would die while in jail. he was suppose to one day get out, then i would eventually see if he could become a productive member of society. it wasn't suppose to happen this way.
i dreamed of him having a good life even if it had to be without us. i think maybe i'm being a little selfish, he's gone now but i really wish he could come back.
i don't know how to go on with my life, never thought i'd have to go on like this. for nearly 24yrs, he and the life we had, was all i knew. i just don't know what to do with myself now.
i'm praying that god will help me get past the constant pain of him being gone.