Hi All & thank you for warm welcome.
First to NEOMARXIST:
I don't think there is any shame in being a recovering alcoholic, actually quite contrary. When I said 'stigma' I meant more of what I've seen while growing up. My father, a long term NOT recovering alcoholic, never admitted he is one. His life, to say it in one & very harsh word, is almost pointless. All day in bed, waking up only to swallow another bottle of beer, nothing achieved, nothing left behind, nothing to be proud of. So maybe, for me, this word carries with itself great fear of waking up one day and realising that there is nothing that I can leave behind me, that I have not made one bit of a difference. Although strangely enough I do not see this way other alcoholics, especially the recovering ones. I do have respect for people in AA and similar institutions, otherwise I would not come to SR for advice & support. It's only small thought cut out from my blog, so the stigma thing is not a shame Neo. Shame comes, as with you, when/ after I drink.
In regards to my "labelling". I know that I am a binge drinker (every other weekend/ every fortnight I get drunk & unfortunately 7 out of 10 times I black out - that's what brought me here in first place), but I can have some wine or 1or 2 beers and stop at that, sometimes I don't even feel like drinking... So the honest truth is, I don't know if I am an alcoholic or if I am just on the 'right' path to be one. That's why I decided to stop drinking for a longer period of time, maybe forever - but, as you know an Alcoholic simply cannot have any drink at any point or he goes back to the spiral - maybe that's why I labelled myself a 'drunkoholic' - to say "Hey, hold on, if you keep at this pace you will become an alcoholic"
Now, how can I ask for help outside, sit in the room full of people that cannot have a sip of a drink and bluntly say to them, well, I believe I am not an alcoholic yet, but I might be if I won't take care of myself, on the other hand I do want to, in the future, enjoy nice wine with my dinner or even get tipsy at the club. If there are any groups for people "on their way & trying to put the breaks" please do let me know and I will jump into them like fish into a water tank.
I also don't have any problem admitting that me, parkbench tramp, quantum physicist are on the same wagon. So I hope, this clarifies a few things, from my original, possibly not explained properly post & all the best for you Neo.
VEGIBEAN: as per my reply to Neo, or if I live in lalaland, please do tell me
ANNA: thanks for the warm welcome, I talked to my Dr about my depression and a bit about drinking... he recommended sex (honestly!), then he gave me some psycho drug that made me feel like a zombie. I think I will go cold turkey for now
DEE74: got your PM, can't reply yet, but will follow the rules from now on
- oh and the page is not commercial, just my diary thing.
DRAMAPRINCESS: wide thoughts my dear, let me know how it goes for you, as per my reply to Neo... this is me for now, I still can have a bite of peanut butter sandwich and the throw away the rest, but this is my way of not becoming 'allergic' to it.
XXX & thank you for all wise & warm words