Hey Ella, I am off to work in a moment but there's one thing I thought I'd just throw out there (besides a WELCOME TO SR!!!
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Own who and what you are. Things are much easier to get through if you face them dead on instead of trying to walk around them.
I appreciate what you're saying, I know that I NEVER woke up one day and decided "I'm going to be an Alcoholic!!" I just embrace it.
Welcome to SR!! You will receive tons of support here. Good luck on your sober endeavors.