Not my first time at relapse..
So, I went to my first AA meeting in my town last Wed..Ive lived in this area for two years this October, so I have been meaning to go (too busy drinking) and just not wanting to do it. I had a baby a year ago this month and during my pregnancy I didn't drink at all, but as soon as I could I was back to three to four bottles of wine a week..Lately it's been a half to a full bottle a day..I have known I'm an alcoholic since about five years ago. I even self referred myself to treatment in the service, then regretted every minute of the treatment..LOL. I never really worked the program, but have had small spurts of sobriety..Then I was just a dry drunk who was miserable without my boyfriend "wine"..My husband wants me to quit. I don't think he understands it, the disease of it, and he just thinks I'm depressed or just a mean drunk..we have talked about it at length but he just listens and doesn't really know what to say..I don't blame him but sometimes I feel like I'm doing this alone. Until I go to a meeting of course. Anyway..I ramble. I'm the most dangerous kind of drunk..I stay at home and can drink as much as I want without anyone even knowing. No one really knows but my family and husband. My Mom is an Alcoholic, and so is my sister..They came to visit and we drank wine like it was going out of style..I was such a B*$% the whole time. So miserable..Anyway this is day four. Last night I wanted a bottle so bad..I told my husband I was going to get pizza! I did but then I was planning on making a stop. I called my sister and we talked about it..I made it home without the bottle. White nuckled it all the way home..I guess it's how bad I really want it, sobriety that is..Oh I went and had some tests done to see if it has started to damage my body as much as it damaging me mentally..and I had high GGT but the doctor explained I was in otherwise perfect health..I had to look up GGT because she really didn't explain it to me and it has to do with my liver..Imagine that! Well I'm off to do something else to keep my mind busy..