Welcome Marchingant. You have a lot up there which I can imagine has caused some mental and emotional trauma. If you're not seeing a therapist I for one would recommend seeing one. Maybe a cognitive behavior specialist?
I have found, for myself, that my using the alcohol originally to self medicate was because I did not having the coping tools to deal with all of the stresses that life deals us.
Good luck to you. You will get tons of support here.
