I had to stop thinking of the alcoholic/addict as a teenager. I had to stop the thinking "he is the same age emotionally as he was when he started drinking/drugging." Because those are just EXCUSES. He is NOT a teenager, he is a GROWN MAN. This is reality.
I had to sit down and, separate and apart from every thought I had of and about HIM, answer the question for myself, "What do I want in a romantic relationship?" I had to take it down to the basics. One of my wants was, "I want a relationship with an emotionally mature person. The point is, separating myself from HIM enough to be able to sit down and write out what I want for MY life helped me to put the relationship with the alcoholic/addict in really good perspective. He either met the requirement or he didn't. I had to take my FEELINGS out of the equation and be objective about the whole thing. I know, doesn't sound very romantic but it worked. (This also required I let go of all the magical thinking like we were fate, destiny, soulmates, meant to be together, best friends, etc).
When they say, "I want someone to love me for who I am" and "I want to be loved unconditionally" that is BABY-TALK. You are not his mommy and he is not a helpless infant who requires unconditional love. IMO, unconditional love serves a function for the survival of an INFANT; and is not necessary for the survival or well-being of an adult. What he is saying to you, in reality, is that he wants to be able to do whatever he wants to do, when he wants to do it, and you keep supporting him the way you always have. The head-game he is trying to use on you is to point his finger at you: "You don't REALLY love me," or to stand in judgment of your quality of love "Your love is not unconditional and therefore is not good enough." All that does is keep us MIRED in it, keep us REACTING, riding the frickin' rollercoaster.
I'm so glad you are getting off the rollercoaster, seeing the reality of what he has been doing. Good for you!! Thanks for sharing.