Thank you all so much!!! It is wonderful and a tremendous help to me to hear your calm, rational thoughts on this! You bring tears of relief to me - thank you!
I just think he truly doesn't get it – I'm the only one he knows who doesn't tolerate drinking or drunkenness. Other people, friends and family, at least condone, and at worst, encourage it as a normal, fun, relaxing thing to do. He is Jekyll and Hyde, and he thinks I'm exaggerating.
Well, and maybe I am. Coming from a lifetime where I rarely saw anyone drunk, and never anyone I respected or was related to.... I can see how he would see me as overreacting. The point is, I don't think I'm overreacting.
He told me he wants unconditional love, and for me to never leave him. I would as soon leave him as I would abandon one of the children. That doesn't mean that I'll be able to live with him being an active alcoholic. It's like telling a teenager he couldn't live in a house because he disobeyed the rules about 'no drugs' – it doesn't mean that we don't love him. We do love him; we just won't have a pot smoker living in the house.
It rips me up that he's killing himself with drinking. I have expectations of a better life, but it involves either him not drinking, ever, or me moving out. Well, alright. I'll make plans to do that, methodically and mindfully. And in the meantime.... work on having the best possible relationship with him. Because if he does stop drinking, that's what we'll have to fall into. And if he doesn't, I'll be able to leave in a better financial place, knowing that I did the best I could.
Thank you. I missed the last al-anon meeting. There's one tomorrow at 7am that I may try to get to. (Otherwise, I have to either wait or travel.) I feel tremendously calm and ... empowered. A much, much better place to be. Thank you all again for walking me through to clearness.
- Sylvie