Thank you all for your thoughtful responses! When I told him again that I don't want an alcoholic partner, he said I was calling him names. I think of it more like a diabetic who keeps eating cake!
He keeps turning around what I say. I want him to stay away from us when he's drinking, and he has. Except for yesterday, when he got drunk with his friends when the kids were here and I was at work. He claims he was 'barely drunk' - and was helping the kids with their chores, and hugging them, and making dinner for the family. I told him that all of that was negated by him being drunk. At which point he effectively assassinated my character. He got really really angry, and is still angry, because he thinks I'm seriously overreacting.
I told him tonight that maybe it would be better to live separately. When it was his idea last year, he thought it was a good idea. Now he says that I'm sneaky, and going to ruin our lives forever, and I didn't put in my whole self into the relationship.
I don't want to keep on like this, with me pushing for more, and him resenting me. I also don't want to leave when we've got such a good thing going. We are really good for each other like 85% of the time. The rest is not so hot. I feel like some leech that goes around inflicting my standards on people who were perfectly happy the way they were.
Would I be better on my own? Am I failure if I go solo? Am I a codependent twit if I stay? Basically, I'm still a mess.
Thanks again.