Should I stay or should I go?
Thank goodness I found this forum!
My AB has been cutting way back on his drinking. But he doesn't seem interested in stopping completely. And although we've been living together for almost 3 years, I don't feel like he really wants me and my 2 boys living here. He is a lovely man, and we have a good solid foundation for a long-term partnership. But I cannot be partnered with an active alcoholic, no matter how little he drinks. It gets in the way of getting on with other things, like good parenting, and exercising, and trust.
I guess I thought he would stop. I never saw alcoholism before, until well after I had fallen in love with him. My own problems with anger certainly put me in the same place (addicted to anger, stopped 8 months ago). I feel like I'm moving on, and he is ... stagnating. He has health issues because of years of crazy hours and drinking. He sighs, and stays in bed, and wants sympathy. I want to exercise, and go on hikes, and start a business. He has 20 years of boxed up stuff that he won't get rid of, trash that needs to be hauled to the dump, abandoned projects, and lots of friends that drop by. He's a hoarder, I think, or almost.
I'm on my 4th partnership. I'm ashamed that I don't seem to have what it takes. It's like, after the first one, I deliberately chose people I couldn't partner with effectively: an abuser, a man with bipolar disorder, an alcoholic. Huh. I never thought of that before. My first husband was in a car accident that almost killed him, and the brain trauma changed his personality for the worse. I got out, but I guess the whole thing was more traumatic to me than I thought.
I want to be his partner, but I don't think I can. He's my best friend, ever. I don't even know how to start a conversation about this. I want to stay friends, but dissolve the partnership. I want a clean house, and a partner who doesn't think I'm 'silly' for keeping regular hours. In fact, I want him as a sober, thoughtful, involved partner. Or... not at all. I'm almost at the point that I would rather be alone than keep trying to bail out a sinking ship.
I think I answered my question. Hints as to making a Statement?
Thank you!
- Sylvie