I can't count the number of times I've started posting only to become too detailed and emotional...then deleted everything. I'll try to do the long story short thing...I'm sure it's familiar to most of you...
My 23 y.o AD has been in detox three times over the past year. She lived at a halfway house most of last year and had nine months of sobriety, but when she left, she was using within a week. That was this past December.
She went to detox and from there was placed in a holding cell waiting for a bed to open up at a halfway house, when her father (my ex) picked her up and took her to a sober house. He and his brother had pulled some strings to get her in (they know alot people in the program--AA that is).
The problem is that the cost of the weekly rent to stay there is more than we can afford. My DH's business is barely staying afloat in this economy, and my work hours have been cut. My AD's father is going through a divorce with wife 2 and is paying child support for three children. He's barely getting by himself. AD lost her last job and work is hard to find where she is now. This sober house is located in what is considered a somewhat seasonal community...in the summer there is plenty of work to be found...but right now, in the dead of winter...well, it's pretty dead down there! Most places aren't hiring until mid-spring.
Her father, his brother and I scraped up enough money between us to put down a weeks rent plus security deposit last week. Her rent is due tomorrow (Sunday) and her father gave me 1/4 of the amount due
, and I was left to pay the rest (which I did). But I cannot and will not do this every week until she can get a job!
I am so upset (more like furious) that her father and his brother did this without working out all the details...like who the hell did they think would be paying for this??!! I know they meant well, as she probably would have ended up in a halfway house in another drug-infested, high criminal rate neighborhood (seems to be where they are all located), but where will she go if the rent doesn't get paid? She knows the situation and has expressed concern to her father and uncle, but they just tell her not to worry about it and keep trying to find work. All I know is I can't and won't pay the next rent due. I feel that they should have left her in the holding cell...I mean, it is what it is, but at least while she was there, she was "safe" and doing the work to get herself in a halfway house.
Btw, if this had happened before I started coming here and attending Alanon...I would have sold my last possession to make sure she had everything
I thought she needed to stay clean. Been there, done that. I now know all she really needs is her own willingness, and love and support from others...all of which are free and there for her whenever she wants them.
Anyway, thank you for letting me vent!! I don't know what the answer is...I guess I'm still having a hard time with the "one day at a time" thing. Maybe I should just be thankful that for today, she is ok and leave it at that...just that it really goes against my worrying nature...but I'm learning! Let go and let God, that can be hard for me sometimes. Also, I have lurked here since last year, and I want to thank you all...you'll never know how much your wise words, compassion and experience have meant to me over this past year!