....I know I know I know, I always have afterthoughts on the devil's advocate side of circumstances. When I reread your post the statement "I'm working on it" really jumped out at me. Mine said it too. He wanted to get married and I said, get and stay clean for 6 months and ask me again. I'll talk with you about it at that time. His response? I'm working on it. He'd been 3 months out of rehab and got a new job, did a jail visit for something prior to rehab. So, I figured he was clean. He wasn't. Another time we were sitting in the car talking and he said "I have a mountain to climb" (variation of I'm working on it...) I told him to bring his camping gear. When I DID begin to detach and really work on me - he became confused and threatened. So working on it? I doubted it at that time, and my gut told me that he was hiding so much more than I could see. And unfortunately it turned out to be true. Now my guy had a lot to lose. He'd been fitted with a GPS as a condition of his ROR for one crime. And was already on probation for another crime. So, naturally I thought, well the P.O. could drug test him at any visit, or the Sheriff could waltz right on up in my house and test him as a condition of the GPS. All the motivation a normal prudent person would need, to stay sober. HA! He found ways to get high, stay high, and hide it. He did keep a safe distance from me and now in retrospect see how and why. Just a thought, but is it possible yours is going through the motions to set a stage of illusion and still using his DOC? Have you given it any thought?