Thanks everyone for your posts, I appreciate the comments very much. Thank you for sharing your thoughts so freely. I will do my best to give him more space and time. I know I can't be his main support here, I have no idea what he is going through (I am I guess what you called a normie with 2 normie parents). However, I don't think that completely shutting me out of his life for much longer is acceptable. That, to me, is being disrespectful of me and the marriage. It is one thing to say "hey, I am working on some stuff right now and I have to do this on my own, but I realize that I'm pulling back because of the work I'm doing and I will be back as soon as I can", or to not say that but stay connected through "surface issues" ("how was your day?", "I saw a fox by the side of the road today"). But to just disappear without any explanation is not OK to me. If he were a housemate who paid rent there would be more communication. It is frustrating as heck and I don't understand why, if I'm working "my stuff" and learning to no longer put my needs second and to start verbalizing them that this should continue to be a big silent ocean between us and simply accepted.
I hope to learn much more from everyone here. Thank you again for all your thoughtful comments, and if my thinking is waay off base here, please, do straighten it out! I am here because I appreciate the help different perspectives give in me trying to figure out the reasonableness of my own thinking.