((((teke))))
It's perfectly normal and ok for you to feel not so strong - especially now.
Let others feel strong for you. Let your friends hold you up. This is a time when you have every right to lean on others. You are experiencing grief; and that will bring you through ups and downs through an extended period.
Just know that we are with you -- no matter how long it takes.
As for your dreams of sitting and watching the cars go by...
I fully understand that. I dreamed of that for a very long time too.
Again, there's nothing wrong with wanting a "happy ever after."
It's what we were brought up to believe in.
And who's to say that it won't still be? Your life can be happy once more.
But, it will be a different dream come true. And that will be ok too.
But, for now, just know, you *will* get through this troubled time.
You and your children will grow through this pain.
One day at a time.
So, don't judge your feelings. Let them be. You will experience many in the days and months to come, and they are *all* "normal" given what you are going through.
But, should your grief become overwhelming, don't be afraid to reach out for professional help. Sometimes, a little extra support is in order too. But, in the meantime, just realize, whatever you are feeling is all right. And we are here to support you.
Shalom!