I should clarify, I WAS married 14 years. I finally had enough and filed for divorce, found a job in another town and the kids and I left the day the divorce was final. My A got sober and began his recovery during our divorce process. He is still sober today.
I am a recovering spouse of an A, a recovering codependent and a recovering alcoholic. I got sober but he didn't until the divorce. Now we support each other (long distance).
There are a few members here that may be able to answer your questions about recovery in marriage. The weekends are quieter here, so we will wait for their wisdom.
As a recovering alcoholic, I appreciate encouragement from the normies in my life (people without addiction issues) but my biggest source of support for my alcohol recovery is from women with more sobriety/experience than me. They know what I am going through. Also, as an alcoholic - if I drink again (relapse) it would erase any time I was sober. My body, mind and soul will not forget where we left off and pick right back up with the cravings and obsessing over the next drink. Your husband's relapses have likely set him back in recovery. We don't count the six weeks we had before the 2 day binge. Our bodies/minds went back to step one.
As a recovering codependent and exspouse of an active A, I appreciate encouragement from friends that aren't married to an A; but my biggest source of support for recovery comes from other women that have been working on their recovery longer than I have. That's where Alanon and SR really help me in my day to day life. I use the tools I learn at Alanon and SR in my personal and professional life!