Welcome to the SoberRecovery family!
Pull out the keyboard and make yourself at home. You will find information and support for yourself here.
In recovery, I try to picture a nice tree lined street. My recovering A is on the far side of the street and I am on this side of the street. There is a double yellow line down the middle of the street. He takes care of his side of the street, and I take care of my side of the street.
If I feel the need to step across that double yellow line and start making suggestions for his side of the street, I need to wait for an invitation. I expect the same respect from my A. Please don't come to my side of the street and start pointing out areas I need to improve. I will work my side in my own style and timetable.
That is how recovery works in the rooms of AA and Alanon. We allow each other the space and time to work our own recovery with support from members with more experience.
Learning to love myself, forgive myself, nurture myself and respect myself keeps me very busy. It was hard for me to let go of my A's recovery/life. We had been married 14 years. I had been the family secretary for years. I was the planner and organizer for children and the other adult. My A never had to assume full responsibility for any of his actions as long as I was there taking care of everything.
Have you heard about codependency? It happens to lots of us in relationships with A's. And we learn it from our parents. Melody Beattie wrote a terrific book called "Codependent No More". It is eye-opening. The first time I read it, I thought about all the people I knew that needed to read it. Thankfully, I now read it for myself.
Keep coming back, we're here to support you in your recovery!