Originally Posted by
spryte 
Thank you for your quick replies
I think I'm going to make it through tonight. It's really tommorrow that I'm worried about.
This has been building for a while now, not just isolated cravings, it's built to the point where it's basically all day and I just want to beat something up because I'm not allowed to drink.
I feel like I'm on steroids or something! The only thing to take away my anger is to drink. Or beat something up. I'm not really going to beat something up. But I was driving really aggressively tonight and I almost caused an accident on purpose so the ******* behind me would be liable.
Anyway, I digress.
Me angry all day. Me want to drink. huh?
Man that takes me back,, not so long ago actually! Walking round all day literally raging looking for something to do the slightest wrong thing or someone that i could justify giving a mouthful to...i was a really angry man, which makes me feel sad when i look back as i didn't have a clue what was wrong with me or why i felt like i did, not so much sad for me as when i read stuff like this...the only thing that i ever knew to relieve it was drinking so eventually i drank on it...
People told me for years to go to AA, i remember we used to promise each other at the bar some nights, the real bad alchies, that tomorrow we would go what had we to lose and never went! I don't know why but the absolute last thing i would ever have done is admitted that i needed help and was helpless, i would rather die than sit in a room full of idiots rattling on about recovery etc, all i needed to do was stay away from drinking...i was so adament about that, i remember saying on several occasions i would rather die than go to AA and i almost got my wish!
Thats just me though, you may be different?!
The only peace i found was by going to AA and working the steps with a sponsor, it has given me a new life and i dont feel angry at all anymore, and obviously dont drink...but all this came at the very end, when i couldn't even muster the will to give up for a day let alone weeks, a year ago no way you would have got me to AA, funny how that works...thanks for reminding me:-)