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I am THIS close to drinking again - What should I do?

Old 02-09-2010, 07:05 PM
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I am THIS close to drinking again - What should I do?

Hi,

I have a little over 2 months in, and I'm attending AA (3 meetings a week).

What should I do if I'm so so close to drinking again?

I am so pissed! I feel like the last 2 months never happened and I'm right back at the beginning.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated,

spryte
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Old 02-09-2010, 07:12 PM
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Phone a sober friend from AA or your sponsor?
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Old 02-09-2010, 07:14 PM
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My first piece of advice is....yep, you guessed it....Don't Drink! This is the place where the rubber meets the road. Find something to do that is not conducive to drinking even if it means taking a long shower. Call someone. Do something that will occupy your mind until the craving passes, and it will pass. Hang in there! When you wake up tomorrow, you will be so proud of yourself for staying strong. ((((HUGS))))
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Old 02-09-2010, 07:21 PM
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Given you are attending AA, find a sponsor who will take you through the steps. Get them started now. If you are already working on the steps, you may try to increase the number of meetings, if possible.

There is no reason to delay the steps. I currently have a sponsee who is working on his 4th. He picked up his one month chip Sunday.



Originally Posted by spryte View Post
Hi,

I have a little over 2 months in, and I'm attending AA (3 meetings a week).

What should I do if I'm so so close to drinking again?

I am so pissed! I feel like the last 2 months never happened and I'm right back at the beginning.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated,

spryte
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Old 02-09-2010, 07:24 PM
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Thank you for your quick replies

I think I'm going to make it through tonight. It's really tommorrow that I'm worried about.

This has been building for a while now, not just isolated cravings, it's built to the point where it's basically all day and I just want to beat something up because I'm not allowed to drink.

I feel like I'm on steroids or something! The only thing to take away my anger is to drink. Or beat something up. I'm not really going to beat something up. But I was driving really aggressively tonight and I almost caused an accident on purpose so the ******* behind me would be liable.

Anyway, I digress.

Me angry all day. Me want to drink. huh?
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Old 02-09-2010, 07:29 PM
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Some people exercise, or join a gym or something to get out that nervous energy. You might want to invest in a punching bag or beat up your pillows or something. Keep telling yourself that this is the hard part, but the more and more you deny those cravings, the easier it will get. It will take time, but you can do it!
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Old 02-09-2010, 07:31 PM
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I was told to spend as much time at meetings as I did at the bars when, I first got sober. Pick up that 1000 pound phone and see if, someone will ride with you to a meeting. If, you don't drive, ask someone for a ride. It's a we program
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Old 02-09-2010, 07:44 PM
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Drinking to take away anger is a fools game - for me, sometimes (maybe 5% over 20 years) it 'worked' - but I woke up still angry - more angry cos I was hungover...
and so I'd drink again....and again..and...

Most times it didn't work...and I'm sure you know drunken angry is not somewhere you want to be...neither is drunken despair, or drunken depression which are two common flipsides.

I have three years experience that suggests to me that you can get angry, and get through getting angry, without getting drunk.

It's often a quicker process...and I hope I don't sound condescending when I say you may actually get something from the experience this way

D
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Old 02-09-2010, 08:28 PM
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It's really tommorrow that I'm worried about
One Day at A Time . . . A sure fire way to cause yourself extra stress is to worry about tomorrow. Stay in today. When I was early in my Recovery, if my mind started to wander off in tomorrow or the next day, I just kept repeating to myself, "One Day at A Time."

You mentioned that you're going to 3 Meetings a week. What was suggested to me was 90 Meetings in your first 90 Days. Do you have a Sponsor? In order for the Program of AA to work for you, you should get yourself a Sponsor and start working the Steps. AA won't work for you unless you work the Program of AA.

Also, I hope you've gotten a lot of phone numbers so you can pick up that thousand pound phone that CAPTAINZING spoke of. What my Sponsor had me do was to call one person from my phone list everyday so when a crisis did arise, I had already gotten into the habit of picking up the phone.

God Bless,
Judy
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Old 02-10-2010, 12:24 AM
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Get into the habit of calling US. And dont drink no matter what even if your *****falls off.
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Old 02-10-2010, 01:34 AM
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Originally Posted by spryte View Post
Thank you for your quick replies

I think I'm going to make it through tonight. It's really tommorrow that I'm worried about.

This has been building for a while now, not just isolated cravings, it's built to the point where it's basically all day and I just want to beat something up because I'm not allowed to drink.

I feel like I'm on steroids or something! The only thing to take away my anger is to drink. Or beat something up. I'm not really going to beat something up. But I was driving really aggressively tonight and I almost caused an accident on purpose so the ******* behind me would be liable.

Anyway, I digress.

Me angry all day. Me want to drink. huh?
Man that takes me back,, not so long ago actually! Walking round all day literally raging looking for something to do the slightest wrong thing or someone that i could justify giving a mouthful to...i was a really angry man, which makes me feel sad when i look back as i didn't have a clue what was wrong with me or why i felt like i did, not so much sad for me as when i read stuff like this...the only thing that i ever knew to relieve it was drinking so eventually i drank on it...

People told me for years to go to AA, i remember we used to promise each other at the bar some nights, the real bad alchies, that tomorrow we would go what had we to lose and never went! I don't know why but the absolute last thing i would ever have done is admitted that i needed help and was helpless, i would rather die than sit in a room full of idiots rattling on about recovery etc, all i needed to do was stay away from drinking...i was so adament about that, i remember saying on several occasions i would rather die than go to AA and i almost got my wish!
Thats just me though, you may be different?!

The only peace i found was by going to AA and working the steps with a sponsor, it has given me a new life and i dont feel angry at all anymore, and obviously dont drink...but all this came at the very end, when i couldn't even muster the will to give up for a day let alone weeks, a year ago no way you would have got me to AA, funny how that works...thanks for reminding me:-)
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Old 02-10-2010, 07:47 AM
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I agree with the others: call someone, do something/anything to take your mind off the craving. It may seem like forever, but it will pass. Hang in there! don't throw away your sober time. You'll hate yourself for having to start all over. And remember, there's nothing so bad that alcohol can't make it worse.
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Old 02-10-2010, 07:53 AM
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Originally Posted by spryte
I am THIS close to drinking again - What should I do?
Get recovered. I know it sounds trite, but it's the only answer I found. Find someone who talks about having a spiritual awakening as being the only hope for a doomed alcoholic. Have them show you how to have your own spiritual awakening as the result of taking the 12 Steps. And be recovered. All the meetings in the world won't get you to this state.
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Old 02-10-2010, 08:26 AM
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Morning.
Recently sober person here. I have been craving free for weeks now which feels really good. Really surreal. Past couple of days I wanted to drink. I've been getting by with white knuckling. Distracting myself. I do have a friend who I talk to on a daily basis but we had a falling out the other night. So what does my brain do? Whenever I am feeling out of sorts (not loved, pushed, punished, angry) my addiction instantly wants to numb it. Or I love what you said, have justified anger so I can drink AT it. *sigh*
All I know is I keep going to meetings, keep reading my Big Book, keep looking for a sponsor, keep going to my group, keep sleeping and eating well and keep having faith that if I just continue to take the next sober step that things will get better.
Thanks for posting and helping me feel not so alone. ((hug))
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Old 02-11-2010, 03:30 AM
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Many thanks to everyone who replied to this thread. I did NOT drink and although Im still jumbled up, I am happy for that.

So many good suggestions - one day at a time, get to meetings, call someone, wait it out, just BE with my feelings instead of throwing alcohol at them, and more

Posters,
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Old 02-11-2010, 04:56 AM
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If you're an alcoholic/addict, of course you are going to want to drink! We are afflicted with a unique allergy of the body and an obsession of the mind that makes us bodily & mentally different from our fellows. I think where you're at is exactly where you're supposed to be, and there's really nothing that you need to figure out. If you really want to stay sober, do the work-- go to meetings, get a sponsor, work the steps, try to make yourself useful to others. Get a home group, let people get to know you, get a service position. As the Big Book says, "Each day think of what you can do for the man who is still sick." I know that this suggestion, as nonsensical as it may sound, has saved my ass many times. Find someone sicker than you and listen to them talk, buy them coffee, let them get to know you. Helping others is the joy of recovery.
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Old 02-11-2010, 06:32 AM
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Originally Posted by keithj View Post
Get recovered. I know it sounds trite, but it's the only answer I found. Find someone who talks about having a spiritual awakening as being the only hope for a doomed alcoholic. Have them show you how to have your own spiritual awakening as the result of taking the 12 Steps. And be recovered. All the meetings in the world won't get you to this state.
I agree 100%. If you are a real alcoholic (like me), nothing short of "recovered" will work in the long run. I know it does not make sense but the stuff that made sense never helped me much (i.e. don't drink, go to meetings, get some exercise).

I suggest that you make yourself useful to some other person, place or thing. There is something about service work that takes our mind off of drinking and gives us the "sense of purpose" that makes sobriety comfortable.
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Old 02-11-2010, 09:43 AM
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For me, attending AA meetings got me started in sobriety, but I eventually had to work the 12 steps to stay sober. I simply cannot white-knuckle it to stay sober every day. It's so exhausting!

Anyway I'm glad you didn't drink, and I hope that someone in your AA group can help you get through those steps. It made a big difference for me.
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Old 02-11-2010, 02:05 PM
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I'm right there with you Spryte and Soberinwpg. I am almost two months in and sometimes lately I really feel the desire to drink. It is easier now though than one month ago when I could still remember the buzz I wanted so well. Today, it is more psychological than physical and I have an easier time thinking around it. The craving is still there though and it is really annoying.

I guess we all just need to hang in there and it will get better.
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Old 02-11-2010, 02:52 PM
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Wow that certainly takes me back. Everyone has mostly said what I would but will list here again for you.

1. DON'T worry about what you might or might not do tomorrow. Concentrate on today. One day at a time, hell sometimes I had to take it 5 minutes at a time.

2. Get in more meetings. Share your struggle. Don't think, "I won't get anything out of THAT meeting." THAT meeting may be the one where what you say helps someone else.

3. Get a sponsor (same gender as you) and do what they say. If you already have one, CALL THEM and share your struggle.

4. Find a way to help another alcoholic. Does your group have a 12th Step outreach? Join. If you have a lot of time on your hands due to not working, find some place to volunteer.

5. Read your Big Book every day, even if just a page. Pick one word from the reading that really strikes you and carry it with you through out the day. Think about it from time to time and what it is saying to you. When your mind starts to wander and you want a drink, think about that word. Bring it up as a topic what doing # 2, 3 and 4 above. If you can, also read the section in the 4th edition of the Big Book on Acceptance (p 417 to the end of the story). I read this every morning.

6. PRAY. Ask your Higher Power to give you the strength to get through the craving and then BELIEVE that your Higher Power is able to do that.

My personal experience is that at some point between 30-90 days the "Pink Cloud" of early recovery goes away and what was once new and exciting (almost a high in itself) now becomes the every day. You have worked, up to now, getting rid of your old habits and now you must fill that void with the new good habits. Now is when you must decide if you are truly willing to "go to any length to get it".

Hope this helps.
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