coffeedrinker

This is a great statement. And very, very true. Just never lose sight of it.

Can I ask how much you have invested in yourself, and your own healing thus far? Sometimes I seek out help and sometimes I isolate, keep everything in my own head, and "work things out" by myself. It is these times that I refer to as me "being knee-deep in the sh!t" It's cause even though I know what's going on, I am like the hog that sits in the mud because although it's dirty and smelly, it offer comfort in a way. It's sick.

My story has some similarities to yours. The people who know me casually, at work for instance, would probably drop their teeth if I told them I am in love with a poly-substance abuser, 30-year heroin addict, former drug dealer, felon. Sometimes my guy has the biggest heart I have seen in a man. This combined with the tough guy exterior, cool dude persona, just hooks me, plain and simple.

I actually drove and hour and a half on a work night the day he was last released from jail (was picked up and they violated him from a charge seven years old). It was the first night we spent together (motel room).

One of the things that (I think) keeps me balanced is the interaction I not only have here on S/R, but the other message board I have periodically visited, that is almost exclusively former heroin users. I hear about recovery from their side of the fence, I hear how much my support means to my addict, even our therapist told me that he believes having me in my A's life has something to do with his motivation to stay clean and sober. That's pretty powerful for someone like me (like us). The balance part comes in on this board, and from my alanon meetings, and my readings.
WE NEED TO UNDERSTAND BOUNDARIES, AND THEN SET THEM.
WE NEED TO EDUCATE OURSELVES.
WE NEED TO BE MENTALLY HEALTHY (if we're not there yet, we keep working on it)
WE NEED TO TAKE THE BLINDERS OFF AND BE SMART - ALWAYS PROTECT YOURSELF FROM FURTHER POTENTIAL HARM

I'm not saying - if you end up with him for the long haul - to never trust him again. But, to know the warning signs and heed them.

If you two recover together, there are few things more beautiful in this life, IMO. But you have to be separate individuals. His recovery. Your recovery. It's like walking along a path together. You sometimes wander off to smell a flower, he goes off to get a drink of water, you sometimes hold hands, sometimes not, and every once in awhile one of you carries the other. (But only for a short time, and you take turn on this!)

Well, you get the picture I'm trying to draw.

Now, let us know what your plans are