wow
I have been living with an AH for 4 years...and kicked him out this past Friday. I too have fallen out of love with him. I spent the last year detaching myself from him in order to keep my sanity and self esteem. I have two daughters from a previous marriage and THEY are my priority. I begged my AH to quit drinking for a long time and was told he would "never quit"...so I finally just kicked him out. He then decided that he is going to quit drinking but told me he can only do it with my support. I felt so heartless telling him that 1.I don't believe him and 2. I don't want that responsibility...he needs to leave and if he chooses to quit...good for him...but I'm done. I don't want my kids to grow up with a step dad who is an alcoholic. Having him drunk around my girls even risked me losing custody to my x...that wasn't enough for him to quit...which made me actually secretly hate him. My AH's mom keeps asking me to let him recover at home with me and that he needs me and that this is part of the "for better or worse" part of a marriage. I told her that I needed to do what was best for my children, end of story. As strong as I feel about my choice there was a huge voice in my head telling me I was heartless, and my AH said the same thing. Reading all of these posts gives me comfort that I am not alone, and that I am not the heartless b that he makes me feel like. Thank you all so much for posting your stories...It has given me the strength to stick to my decision...no matter how many crying pleas I get from my AH or his mom.