I have come to believe that blame is useless in my life. I was raised with the notion that there had to be blame. Because of that idea, if I couldn't find someone to pin the blame on for something, I resorted to blaming myself. There had to be blame.
But, whether I blame someone else or myself, the result is victimhood and helplessness. Nothing good comes from either of those. If I blame my husband for my marriage failing, where does that leave me? A sitting duck, just waiting for the next jerk to come along and victimize me again. No thanks.
Taking responsibility for the beliefs, behaviors, and thinking that (consciously or subconsciously) drew me into that kind of relationship, and kept me there, empowers me. Figuring out what the payoff was for me (and there is always a payoff) gives me the insight to go about getting my needs met in healthy, non-destructive ways.
Blame can feel good because it shifts the responsibility to others and "lets us off the hook," psychologically speaking. But taking responsibility is empowering. At least, I've found it to be.
L