A New Beginning
Hello Friends,
Six weeks ago I finally separated from my husband of 25+ years. When I look back over my journals it amazes me how many years I have been unhappy in this relationship and making the best of it. But at long last over the last year I had been preparing for the separation. A couple of weeks before Christmas, I was paying bills and decided to review the cell phone bill. This was not purely innocent, I specifically decided to review my x-husband's cell phone bill. I found out he had been having an affair for almost two years.
I still don't think I have processed this fact yet. In spite of evidence to the contrary, I trusted him. I always believed that he was a moral person with this disease and other traits I didn't like. Now I was faced with the fact that he is not trustworthy.
I understand that his disease is progressive, and that people make mistakes. So my reaction is mostly one of sadness and disappointment rather than anger.
So we have separated, he has moved to another state to be near his father and brother. We were in agreement about the details of the separation and the agreement has been signed. He came to the house and picked up some furniture and things and the dog. So we are officially finished.
For so many years I thought it would never happen, and now it has and so calmly, thankfully without drama.
So here I am, still in what is now MY HOUSE, with the cats and my 24 year old son who is finishing college in May. I am loving the quiet in the house. It is so peaceful. Yes, I am a bit lonely, but I was lonely before too, with this huge weight on my shoulders. Now I don't have to worry about what ridiculous thing he is going to do next.
I wish I could say that I have stopped taking care of him completely. I have assisted him with transferring his cell phone to a separate bill and other minor arrangements. I forgive myself for this, this is a process for me, letting go of responsibility for him - I will get there. Now that all the arrangements are done, I will have much less contact with him.
This is my new beginning, just me this time, just me and God. Time to rest, time to think, time to be with God. And then the future will unfold as it will.
Oh and I decided to go to Tuscany with a girlfriend in March! Why not? Life is short, and it will be fun, beautiful, and restful. I am doing amazingly well, but I feel fragile, but able to move forward. The great thing is that I have no more doubts - it is finished. So that's what's up with me. Thanks for listening.