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A New Beginning

Old 01-31-2010, 08:14 AM
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A New Beginning

Hello Friends,
Six weeks ago I finally separated from my husband of 25+ years. When I look back over my journals it amazes me how many years I have been unhappy in this relationship and making the best of it. But at long last over the last year I had been preparing for the separation. A couple of weeks before Christmas, I was paying bills and decided to review the cell phone bill. This was not purely innocent, I specifically decided to review my x-husband's cell phone bill. I found out he had been having an affair for almost two years.

I still don't think I have processed this fact yet. In spite of evidence to the contrary, I trusted him. I always believed that he was a moral person with this disease and other traits I didn't like. Now I was faced with the fact that he is not trustworthy.

I understand that his disease is progressive, and that people make mistakes. So my reaction is mostly one of sadness and disappointment rather than anger.

So we have separated, he has moved to another state to be near his father and brother. We were in agreement about the details of the separation and the agreement has been signed. He came to the house and picked up some furniture and things and the dog. So we are officially finished.
For so many years I thought it would never happen, and now it has and so calmly, thankfully without drama.

So here I am, still in what is now MY HOUSE, with the cats and my 24 year old son who is finishing college in May. I am loving the quiet in the house. It is so peaceful. Yes, I am a bit lonely, but I was lonely before too, with this huge weight on my shoulders. Now I don't have to worry about what ridiculous thing he is going to do next.

I wish I could say that I have stopped taking care of him completely. I have assisted him with transferring his cell phone to a separate bill and other minor arrangements. I forgive myself for this, this is a process for me, letting go of responsibility for him - I will get there. Now that all the arrangements are done, I will have much less contact with him.

This is my new beginning, just me this time, just me and God. Time to rest, time to think, time to be with God. And then the future will unfold as it will.

Oh and I decided to go to Tuscany with a girlfriend in March! Why not? Life is short, and it will be fun, beautiful, and restful. I am doing amazingly well, but I feel fragile, but able to move forward. The great thing is that I have no more doubts - it is finished. So that's what's up with me. Thanks for listening.
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Old 01-31-2010, 08:48 AM
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((( Rose ))) I'm so glad to hear your voice, and so glad that you're doing well on this next step of your journey. It is all a bit fresh and new for you, so even if you are doing the right thing, breaking 25 years of daily habits may take some time to feel normal.

It's okay. You will be okay.

I can't think of a better way to celebrate your new horizons than going to Tuscany with your girlfriend. How great is that?
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Old 01-31-2010, 09:02 AM
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Rose...I'm relatively new to the board so I'm not as familiar with your story as some. Your HP certainly blessed you with a drama free break which you clearly deserved. But even more than that..YOU are clearly a very strong woman and I commend you.

Did you ever see the movie with Diane Lane "Under the Tuscan Sun"? If not you should see it before your trip. Here's to your new beginning! Cheers!
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Old 01-31-2010, 09:42 AM
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Making lemonade out of lemons! Wonderful. One thing I found that really helped me was rearranging the furniture and buying a few new pieces. Made it more "my space". It's liberating. Good for you.
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Old 01-31-2010, 11:18 AM
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My separation from my XABF was similar in that when it ended it did so with relative quiet. When the grumbling and mumbling over moving subsided and he was gone and I had finally gotten myself, my pets, and my belongings to a new location, I felt an odd quiet. It took a while before I felt at peace with the quiet and didn't feel like something was lurking on the horizon waiting to drop on me.

I, too, went through the steps of separating our accounts. A necessary fallout of having taken so much responsibility on myself. Once that was done, there was really nothing left to say. It's been 4+ months since I spoke to him and a month or so since he's tried to reach me.

I'm proud that you're moving on and finding yourself again. The trip to Tuscany sounds wonderful! What a great way to keep you looking to the future. Send back pictures!!

Alice
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