chainy

Hi,
I used to lurk here during my first 30 days, but this is my first post. I have 87 days today (3 days in detox), which is pretty incredible to me. I'm 20 years old and I've been in treatment centers 3 times before for alcoholism. This past time I didn't need it though because I knew the right place to go was back to AA.

I've been having a pretty ****** night; all wrapped up in my own head. I don't really like interacting with other people in any social way most of the time. It's a ******* chore. I have to force myself to stay around after meetings and say hi to the people I know there, or even worse, try and meet new people. There are people in the program that know me, but it seems like most of them take on a mentor role in conversation, and it usually never strays anywhere other than recovery. I don't know what else to talk about. I don't watch sports, I don't follow politics much, I don't go to the gym or ride motorcycles or fix cars or watch much TV or movies or read books. I love computers, and I spend most of my free time learning to code, reading about technology, or goofing off on the web.

I've gone out to eat with my home group, a YPG, a couple times, and its always unbearably awkward. I can't say anything, and when I do, I fumble the words and look like a dork. It seems like these people will try to have a conversation with me, but I don't know what to say.

Sorry for the rant, I just had to get this stuff off my chest.