I hate making friends

Old 01-29-2010, 08:58 PM
  # 1 (permalink)  
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Join Date: Nov 2009
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I hate making friends

I used to lurk here during my first 30 days, but this is my first post. I have 87 days today (3 days in detox), which is pretty incredible to me. I'm 20 years old and I've been in treatment centers 3 times before for alcoholism. This past time I didn't need it though because I knew the right place to go was back to AA.

I've been having a pretty ****** night; all wrapped up in my own head. I don't really like interacting with other people in any social way most of the time. It's a ******* chore. I have to force myself to stay around after meetings and say hi to the people I know there, or even worse, try and meet new people. There are people in the program that know me, but it seems like most of them take on a mentor role in conversation, and it usually never strays anywhere other than recovery. I don't know what else to talk about. I don't watch sports, I don't follow politics much, I don't go to the gym or ride motorcycles or fix cars or watch much TV or movies or read books. I love computers, and I spend most of my free time learning to code, reading about technology, or goofing off on the web.

I've gone out to eat with my home group, a YPG, a couple times, and its always unbearably awkward. I can't say anything, and when I do, I fumble the words and look like a dork. It seems like these people will try to have a conversation with me, but I don't know what to say.

Sorry for the rant, I just had to get this stuff off my chest.
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Old 01-29-2010, 09:12 PM
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I fumble for words, too. That's why SR works for me.

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Old 01-29-2010, 09:22 PM
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Welcome to SR Chainy.
Hope you find some cool people here to help you get out of your own head.

I did

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Old 01-29-2010, 09:43 PM
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Chainy, I am way older than you - but I'm the same way. It's getting better now that I'm sober, but I always suffered from social anxiety, shyness, self-consciousness, whatever. Drinking just made it worse, since I didn't grow or mature the way I might have. I'm having to learn to live again & am finally getting more sure of myself.

I'm sure you'll find that as you heal, things will get better. We stay on hold emotionally when we're numb with alcohol - but we have a fresh start once we stop poisoning ourselves. Congratulations on a brand new start & please let us know how it's going for you.
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Old 01-29-2010, 10:12 PM
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Join Date: Jan 2010
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I hear you--and I have almost 4 years! I have one very close AA friend (because she is the most normal, awesome, flawed, and real person I know), and the rest are really acquaintances--though I definitely appreciate and embrace the support of the community of AA. I find that I don't need alot of friends, but I do need that "click" that comes with special connections to my fellow human beings.

The great thing is that sobriety has allowed me to have so many more friends than AA friends. Sobriety allowed me to go back to school (grad), so I experience great "click" with my classmates and our shared interests. Sobriety has allowed me to experience great (and new) workplace environments, so I have great friends from those experiences as well.

Be patient, and explore all your options. You'll hear time and again that volunteering is a great release from the focus on self: It's true. It's not just about connecting with the people you help, but it's a great way to meet a whole wide variety of people: pastry chefs, secretaries, doctors, novelists, computer wizards (like robotics engineers), housewives, university professors, and more.

You'll find your way, I assure you. And you never have to be lonely when you connect with us here on SR! Start conversations (threads like this one). Jump into life--you are about to experience the best that it has to offer.
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Old 01-29-2010, 10:35 PM
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Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
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Glad you decided to post.....

Have you visited or Chat room?
That might be a good way to communicate easily.

Congratulations on your sober time...
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Old 01-30-2010, 01:28 AM
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The Little Alcoholic Monstress That Could
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Location: Northern California
Posts: 1,159
Ugh I feel the same way in meetings. I don't know what the heck to talk about with these folks but I long to make good AA friends so I will continue to try. Just show up, be yourself (however weird or non-weird that may be lol), smile and the rest will fall into place I think...I hope lol
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Old 01-30-2010, 05:36 AM
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bona fido dog-lover
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Social anxiety is no fun. Can you seek help with a counselor or doctor? You don't have to feel so awkward in social situations.

Welcome to SR!
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Old 01-30-2010, 06:05 AM
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It's been my experience most people like to talk about themselves. Ask questions, like if they have pets, what hobbies they enjoy, if they like to cook, that kind of thing.

I'd think if you have strong computer skills, many people who aren't as computer literate would want to know how it works. Do you play computer games? Do graphics?

Here's another secret: most people aren't judging you as they are also a bit shy or feel awkward. Sometimes people just want a little small talk, nothing too heavy.

I hope this helps.


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Old 01-30-2010, 11:16 AM
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Don't resist, allow
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Hi chainy and welcome
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Old 01-30-2010, 04:33 PM
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I can relate. It took forever for me to even start to enjoy a meeting. I go so far as to want a huge bubble around me. It's not that I feel everyone is "tainted" it is just I am not comfortable having people sit almost in my lap the way some meetings are so packed. I found that finding a meeting that wasn't crowded and getting some air space around me helped. I also have to force myself to chat up folks. It gets better and I have made my peace with the situation but it was horrible in the beginning. Hang in there and don't let that get in the way of your recovery.
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Old 01-30-2010, 04:45 PM
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Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Manchester, NH
Posts: 39

Im in the same boat as you. I too like tech and computers. I hit 30 days sober today and would like to share stories sometime with you. PM me and we can chat on skype or ichat if you feel up to it. Take care of yourself either way
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