Capo

It wasn't as much about self-awareness as recognising patterns in behaviour. My dad is a full blown alcoholic who is probably a lot closer to death than most of our family realise - in the last couple of years 3 of his drinking 'buddies' have died of organ failure directly related to alcohol. My dad has only been sober for about 10 years of his adult (drinking) life which equates to roughly 35 years of serious abuse. He's now 62 but looks 82. He has truly hit rock bottom in his life including extended periods of homelessness living on the street. He's still drinking at least a litre of vodka a day when he has money or his fellow alcoholics do.

Once I realised that I was starting to notice warning signs in myself like hiding how much and how often I drink from family, turning down invitations if it meant I couldn't drink, getting to the pub an hour earlier than everyone else so that I could throw 3 or 4 drinks down my neck before they turned up - I knew it was time to accept that this isn't 'normal' drinking. I've admitted to myself that I have a problem with alcohol and I'm worried about how friends and family are going to interpret my sudden stopping - I'm not looking forward to telling them that I have a problem particularly since in my mind, and probably theirs, alcohol problem equates to my dad's way of living. But to be honest, it got to be their problem how they react, not mine.

Thanks for the welcomes