This may be an unpopular response, and I know your new here so please just take what you will and leave the rest. I'm not trying to hurt, just letting you know what I see. I know it's taken some hard words for me to see things that I wanted to pretend weren't as they really were.. with that being said..
It just breaks my heart that he's had such rough ride in life from early on and has ended up with so many issues, including alcoholism, as a result. It's not his fault, nor his choosing. He just wants to be happy and on an balanced level and can often see that he is not. I like to consider myself pretty balanced and I don't know if I could cope with the mental turmoil that goes around his mind. If he'd have had a different upbringing he would be such a brilliant bloke... we'll his is, but it's just so clouded by things like the alcoholism. It just seems so unfair that he so much to fight through as a symptom of problems earlier in life.
I want to wave my magic wand for him, and magically have him work through everything, but I don't know how. It worries me that he wont heal properly, and what that could mean in the further future.
It's alright to feel compasion for what he's been through. But he was going through it before you met him and he'll continue to go through it whether he is with you or not. You can not change his exsistance no matter how you feel about it. And the reality is you don't have a magic wand and of course you don't know how to make it all better because you can't. He has to do those things for himself.
I'm sorry if it sounds harsh, it's just what I see right now. I've been there too and it took me a long time of feeling offended by the truth to see it. Each time someone has asked you to look at you and what you want, you contiune to speak solely about him. Maybe it's time to let him deal with his life and you deal with yours. If you all can do it together great. If he "needs" more than that.. no go.. If you want to "give" more than that no go. You'll end up being addicted to him the same way he's addicted to alcohol.