Pelican, JenT1968- yes that's all pretty bang on.
I said it a bit firmer today; that I am offering friendship and wouldn't cross the friendship boundary.
He says he's aware of the danger of it being about him all the time and feels terrible for being faulty and ill and feels bad about the 'all or nothing'. He says he just wanted to muddle through and learn together because he liked me for me and that he knew he shoudn't use me to heal him. He's been through recovery before and half his head knows the al-anon side but at the moment half of him is still new in recovery.
Anyway, he has now re-set my stated friendship boundaries. His stated boundary is that we don't see or speak to each other, so I guess that's it... or will he come around to being friends... I don't know quite how his mind will work... or what will happen if he does change his mind about this final and absolute boundary.
I guess I just wanted to somehow fix him. It breaks my heart he never chose to have the life he's had that has maybe led him to alcohol. He just deserves a clear minded happiness, yet he has so much mental turmoil to deal with instead.