Thanks freefalling. That is how I felt for many months last year. I found those drawings yesterday and tore them apart... but before I took a picture, so when I feel tempted to nostalgia I remember what I felt because of his actions and remember life is better without him.
This was so "light" compared to what many others go through, so many people here are totally unaware of how strong they are.
But for me.. I know it is out of place, but having gone through the deaths of loved ones.... having the person and the hopes "die" so suddenly, while still seeing the same alcoholic around, with the same voice and the same tone and the same body was (still is sometimes..) much more difficult to cope with.
In death you know they are in God's hands and the love shared was real. With alcoholics in progression you don't know if anything was real at all for the other person...and most certainly they are asking for disaster to happen... yet one has to find peace... and let them go.
Hugs!!