Welcome! You have a great name that fits what you're doing.
I had a similar experience to yours. I had stopped drinking for nearly 2 years - I felt great - but I picked up again for no memorable reason.
I realize now that in those 2 years, I was just "not drinking." Sure, I felt good physically, but I wasn't living life in true recovery. BIG difference.
You do sound as if you've reached a point of 'enough' already. After stopping and starting, stopping and starting again, alcohol's ability to numb us, calm us, be our devoted friend, gets less and less until it's no more.
It actually starts doing the reverse, which is where I was and sounds like where you are now. The shame, guilt, self-loathing, wtf did I do/say, fear and anxiety becomes too overwhelming and unbearable.
THIS time around is so different cuz I learned how to actually live sober -worlds apart from just not drinking.
Great that you have a counselor to vent to. Is this counselor a LADAC (licensed alcohol/drug counselor)? I had one early one who saved my life.
Good start with posting on SR. Keep sharing. Look through some other posts to see what others have done to find their way. Knowledge is power. Support from those who care and know what you're going through is awesome.
You'll find that here. Seek, share and have faith. Take care of yourself.
HB