Thanks for posting.
You brought back to me really vividly that FEAR that I used to feel after a binge wondering how the hell I got home and what I did/said and just generally feeling like I have lost total and utter control of my life.
I had to give up the booze totally and actively work on recovery from my alcoholism. I use AA/SR and much wisdom from elsewhere too.
I am 6.5 months sober now and I don't have that immense sense of fear in my life anymore. I have changed the way that I view life and the world and people in general and it has made me a much calmer, relaxed person. AA meetings are free and full of other alcoholics just like you. SR is too and a truly great recovery resource.
I feel hope now where I once felt hopelessness.