Hi AlonebutHopeful
I really hope you can get yourself sober. The rewards with my child are immense. The guilt and shame I felt because I was not there 100% in mind when drinking was horrible.
Just by putting down the drink my relationship with him has changed so much for the better. I hope you can get that with your babies. Please don't wait like so many I hear who missed all their kids' childhoods through drinking.
take care.