My choice was not to tell. And I "avoided" sex, it really didn't matter because I think he was fooling around on the side anyway... I saw a lawyer first... I had been seeing a therapist... the lawyer knew my plan... thought I had a good case... I ended up leaving... If we are being really honest on some level he knew and didn't care... he says that's not true...I guess the fight with him screaming in my face for me to leave just slips his mind...
He is holding up spousal support now based on abandonment...but my lawyer feels that that wont hold water once we get to court since drinking and pot are reasons to leave... I also have other things against him... I have to "play nice" and most times I feel like I'm in a sick chess match with the devil... but atleast I'm out...
I feel I did the best I could... I wanted to tell a few times and just felt... I don't know... it wasn't safe even though he's never laid a hand on me... I'm in hiding and he doesn't have my address... listen to your gut... we've quit trusting it... but if we are wrong well your just too up-tight... but what if your right...??? in my case...most of what I said before I left I've been able to prove and he doesn't even know...my lawyer has all the evidence... things I that where worse then I even guessed... but all along I had this nagging feeling; I just couldn't prove it...
I wish you the best... good luck...