Hi Frank,
Sorry that you and your kids are having to deal in all of this mess and hoping that you will find help for yourself and kids. Your wife will have to find her own if and when she decides she is done.
"She can't drink and take Abilify" No one is supposed to, but yes she can and probably will. The combination of alcohol and meds will, at the very least increase the effect and some people don't mind that sensation at all. Just hoping that you are not putting any hope in to the fact that her new meds. prescription will serve as a deterent. In all likely hood, she will stop taking the meds. in favor of the alcohol if they pose a problem. Sorry Frank, but this is the reality of the situation.
I don't know the details obviously, but with respect to getting a diagnosis of Bi Polar, I have never heard of that happening on the first visit to a Dr. Usually there is rigorous testing and discussions with family members before a diagnosis can be offered.
I wish you well Frank and hope things resolve quickly for you and your kids.