intention

Hi mfrank,

I think we can all understand how difficult it is for you to let go but when you spend the day with sober phone calls back and forth it is just fantasy land.

You are caught up in a lie that is your relationship. You are believing in something that doesn't exist. She can be sober for short periods of time but that is not who she is. She is a drunk and whether or not that is caused by mental illness, it is irrelevant.

The reality of your marriage is that she puts alcohol before you and the kids, she is a mess, she is no longer attractive to you, she turns you off when she only makes drunken sexual advances to you, you are not intimate, the kids suffer, you are miserable and you have put your life on hold while you try to sort her out with patience/counselling/pyschiatry etc.

For your own sake and your children's you need to seperate the reality of your marriage with the fantasy of how you would like it to be or how it is in those fleeting sober moments down the end of a phone.

You need to look after yourself and your family. She has help in the form of a counsellor/pyschiatrist and it is down to her to use that help to get better, if she wants it. You could also mention AA to her, but I would guess she probably knows that that help is available.

I hope you find the courage to really help yourself. Al-anon can really get you to do that if you are unable to do it on your own. Going back to your first point about the new house, my advice would definitely do not take on a new financial committment in the midst of this madness. It will not fix anything!

In fact, looking after yourself and not enabling her anymore to carry on like this may very well save her life. At least you will be a happier person and find the answers to your indecisions in life.

It is time you took your life off the pause button. Get help for you.

Take care.