Welcome FiftyPence,
One of the best lessons for me in recovery was learning the skill of teasing apart within myself "what is" from "what I want it to be." I had never realized before what extent future/wishful/magical thinking played in my decisions. (Or how stubborn I am, holding to the latter, I might add.)
Now that I've learned how to take a good honest look at "what is" and distinguish it from "what I want it to be," decisions are much clearer to me. I've found that over time I've learned how to let go of the magical thinking, and work with what is, and that good things can come from the unexpected, the unknown, the unplanned. By holding so tight to one vision, we often obscure other possibilities. And we burn a tremendous amount of emotional energy.
CLMI