Hi to you too Gold,
I am slowly getting stronger through Al-anon but also realise as I read and attend meetings, how much more I have to learn - its scary.
Yes, I am ready to leave and seriously, if I could afford it I would. I have reached the end of my tether at this point (again).
My needs not wants are not covered by my income alone, my current job is unstable and I would be in serious debt if I left. It would be financial suicide, so I have told myself that's it my higher power telling me the timing is not quite right and to wait until my financial circumstances improve.
I have lived in ambivalence before in my marriage and I dont like it, so if I have to stay for the time being, I have to learn to get along with him and apply the tools I am learning at al-anon. This is not easy, as today I have snapped at him a couple of times (not like me) because I have been reading the Al-Anon books and its sinking in that I am so angry that he is an alcoholic and that's a huge reason why I have been living in the merry-go-round of a marriage and the madness.
Its like one step forwards and two back.