I have a Dilemma
Hi Guys - me again!
My DD 19 years, would like to go to university. I support her fully, as education has always been at the top of my personal parenting priorities list. However my AH (22 years) says that he doesn’t want her to go to Uni. His arguments are that she is not university material! She can’t say what she wants to be when she completes her degree. She would like to do a Media Studies and Communications degree which could lead to many roles. She left school of her own choice, so we shouldn’t have to support her and we are currently paying for her sister to go to Uni and he doesn’t want to pay for this daughter for another 4 years ahead.
I have a serious problem with all of his arguments.
My daughter is bright, intelligent and above all wants to do it. Part of his argument is a ‘put down’ and part of his bullying behavior to her which I worry is affecting her self esteem. How can you say your own daughter isn’t university material! It’s an insult.
Her sister is studying nursing, so is obviously going to be a nurse but I don’t understand the logic behind her not being able to say “I want to be a journalist’ etc that would make any difference to leaving education with a degree and finding a career, whatever career she chooses to do.
She did leave school early, but only because we had made the decision to emigrate at that stage and she didn’t see any point in continuing with her studies, when we were going to move countries. She was 17 yrs old at the time.
We pay for our eldest daughter to study at Uni and have been sending her between $500-1000 AUD a month for the past 4 years to help support her. Our eldest daughter lives in another country to us and left home at 17yrs (another story). We can’t do it for one and not the other – I definitely do not agree with that.
This is a deal breaker for me.
The dilemma:
How do I argue this one with him when he is an irrational, unreasonable alcoholic?
I did look at moving out with my daughter (mainly because of the bullying) with every intention of supporting her through uni by myself. However, I did the sums and they didn’t stack up – bottom line, I am not financially strong enough to do it.
I also feel like I am letting her down because I can’t afford to do it on my own and he doesn’t want to do it.
What do I do, I am feeling totally stuck and suffering bad anxiety with it all yet again.