the sane thing, the healthy thing to do after 18 months of inhuman stress, is to leave the relationship, and with it my cherished notions of family, of growing old together, of companionship and friendship.
Nope, you still take those notions with you...those were yours and are still yours. Just now... you are deciding to allow a possibility for them to become real, with someone who is on your same wavelength. This decision shows you decided to be more loving towards yourself. I applaud you for that and recognize the courage it takes.
The best thing to do is not always the easiest... but is still the best.
One day all this will just be a fading memory... there is much to look forward to ((hugs)) !! one day at a time... one breathe at a time.