And there they are - the voices of reason!
I know in my gut that taking some time is the right thing to do FOR ME, and if he's working a program as he should be, he will be humble and not make things difficult. If he makes things difficult, well, that tells me where he is in this new bout of recovery.
The thing that tugs at me as he had 19 months. 19 months! That's like the longest EVER. He must have been doing something right and working hard for that, considering his past. And things were going well. And even though the addiction issues were still part of life (meetings and therapy), we were happy. Well, he was happy as he could be, being an addict and all. But he was a great, attentive husband and father for that time. I felt what 'normal' was like for the first time in our marriage.
So he gets 19 months, he screws up, he gets back into his program and we just carry on as normal? I don't think I can do that. I need some time. And that's all it comes down to. I'm not doing it out of spite or to punish him, I'm doing it for me, therefore the guilt can get the hell out of here, thankyouverymuch.
I just have to shut up that voice in my head that feels sorrier for him than me!!
Thank you all. Looking over those old posts... shudder. We've come a long way, but it's a lifelong process if I choose to stick with it. And I can't make that choice right now. So again, I need some time. Simple as that. Funny how our brains love to complicate things!