I think this may be true but so is the fact that had you not bailed her out of so many messes, she woudl have experienced some consequences for her actions.
How is she more mellow today because of you? She sounds like a loose cannon, and you keep her on a leash to ensure she doesn't kill someone, kill herself, flirt with your kids friends, spend all the money on booze, or light the house on fire. You can't even stand to be intimate with her!
I'm sorry to be so harsh but this is really simple. She is an alcoholic. She will not stop drinking, grow up, mature, suddenly become responsible or get sober until SHE wants to.
But she will: lie about it, blame you and try to throw you off her trail. Rage at you.