Thanks everyone for the comments and the support. I am fully aware that I am a codependent and that it is not healthy for me. I don't have a lot of the answers as to WHY I choose to isolate, but I am aware that I do. I think that it is because I am just not able to ENJOY myself if I am worried about what's going on at home. I don't know if I care too much anymore how drunk he gets, but it's good to be prepared for when he's drinking the "hard stuff". When I am at work, I am busy enough that I am able to forget. My kids are mostly grown, so that's not an issue anymore but it used to be.
Anyways - you've given me alot to ponder... so thanks for that.