SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information - View Single Post

01-18-2010, 10:26 AM

# 7 (permalink)

CrackQuack

Member

Join Date: Mar 2009

Location: Dayton, OH.

Posts: 879

Thank you, everyone. I do appreciate your input, and will take it to heart and listen!
I did do something rather naughty. I snooped. I went online and googled his handle and motocycle forum and the thread pops right up. I read through 5 pages of advice telling him to run, with very few telling him to take his time or whatnot. And one very rude dillhole saying to run and let me go suck off someone else for a fix (and that guy wrote that this month! like I was still using!). That last guy hit a nerve and I signed up and replied to that one, but praised Jeff for actually seeking out advice, despite whether I agreed with it or not, and was happy he did not listen to it. And I really am, because he started that thread 2 days after my last relapse. Which, in all possibility, he had more potential to listen to, as we weren't super close then. I could have lost him then and there.
We're a lot deeper in the relationship now, and I am just gonna have to accept that slow is the way to go. And heck, this might make it last this time around. All my other relationships were quick to "light" and quick to burn out.
Anyway, Jeff was OK with me finding the thread, as I quickly told him about it and how I wanted to find a horse's behind and beat him, but that's just me talking. I am a LOT more talk, than action, these days, when it comes to my temper. As long as I am allowed to voice it, I eventually drop it. I did say it was OK if he wanted to read my SR stuff, as I have nothing to hide anymore. And there is nothing I try to hide. There are things I do not voice to him, that I've voiced here, like my friend who went to jail (cuz he said she belonged there), because we disagreed on that topic, but he knew my feelings on it. So it's not like I am hiding it, was just getting it off my chest.
Anyway, I'll ramble, but everyone has been very helpful. You're right. And even I've said to run before. But I am glad, grateful, he did not. And I hope this is a good sign. I know it really boosts my resolve to continue to take one day, at a time, stay clean, and be grateful for what I have despite my past drug abuse.